Tips for those of us who dont want to join in the Christmas shopping

[Darren Jeffries]

This made me chuckle... for the non-UK members, TESCO is a Grocerie supermarket that also sells just about anything else:

 

HOW TO AMUSE YOURSELF IN TESCO

 

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or

boyfriend along shopping

 

This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to Lisa

 

Dear Mrs. Howe,

 

Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of

the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Bristol is

considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless

your husband stops his antics.

 

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months, all verified

by our surveillance cameras:

 

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

trolleys when they weren't looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at

5-minute intervals.

 

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to

feminine products aisle.

 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official tone,

'Code 3' in housewares and watched what happened.

 

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and

told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a

Calor gas stove.

 

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could Help him,

he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me

alone?'

 

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a

mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

 

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

Housewares aisle, asked an assistant if he knew where the

antidepressants were.

 

10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming

the Mission Impossible' theme.

 

11. November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look'

using different size funnels.

 

12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,

yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

 

13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,

assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices

again.'

 

And; last, but not least:

 

14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a

while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

[Mudkip Orange]

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official tone,

'Code 3' in housewares and watched what happened.

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

Housewares aisle, asked an assistant if he knew where the

antidepressants were.

And; last, but not least:

 

I call shenanigans on this actually having been sent as a letter from Tesco; it reads much more like a "ways to annoy people" list that someone later modified by changing all the verb tenses.

 

Still, frickin hilarious.

[Claude_Dreyfus]

 

 

 

I might try me some of them...

[ToniBabelony]

Most awesome.

[grumbeast]

reminds me of the sorts of things my Dad would try (he used to embarras Mum deliberately in Tesco by talking outloud to his imaginary rabbit friend Harvey)

 

Graham