Say a prayer for Tanooka

[Ochanomizu]

Hello,

 

This story breaks my heart.

 

As a father it is my role to love and protect my children.  In fact, it is instinct.  There are days when my own son pushes the boundaries but those are the days a father must stand fast and hold the line.  I choose my words carefully, for I believe a good father does not push back.  Just hold the line.  It is unjust to meter out excessive punishment for minor transgressions.  A father does not earn respect by beating his son into submission or, in this case, abandoning him in a forest, if that is what we are to believe truly happened.

 

Not willing to speculate further, I find myself praying for Tanooka and wishing I could wrap my arms around this little boy to let him know everything will be alright.

[cteno4]

Just not right under any circumstance. Very, very sad anyone could treat a child that way. The thought of his terror being left behind, don't want to go there...

 

Wise thoughts on parenting ochimanziu.

 

Jeff

[railsquid]

He's been found alive and well :D

[cteno4]

Wow!!!! That is truly heart warming!

 

jeff

[railsquid]

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2016/06/03/national/abandoned-boy-7-missing-hokkaido-mountains-six-days-turns-sdf-training-site/

[cteno4]

A little time and we will get the full story. Shows how hard and complicated a Search and Rescue can be! A good friend has been in SR for a couple of decades and its amazing how complicated and the number of scenarios have to be juggled at the same time.

 

jeff

[Bernard]

My wife told me about this situation a few days ago.....I extremely happy that they found him and even more shocked that he survived the ordeal!

[bill937ca]

News stories from Canada and Japan.

Edited June 3, 2016 by bill937ca

[Ochanomizu]

Thank you, Lord!

[ToniBabelony]

Thank the JSDF.

[tossedman]

He's a lucky kid.

[Drunkenclam]

Thank goodness for that. It's a relief

[Sascha]

Great news.

[gerryo]

Maybe all the talk about punishment both for the boy and parents is all fine and good.  But what about the boy's ability.

 

To be as spirited and happy when found surely says something for the smarts that have been instilled in that boy is something to be proud of.  If all little boys AND girls had that kind of self assurance the world would be a better place.

 

Give them peace,

Gerry

[Welshbloke]

Sounds like his survival instincts were good. He evidently found shelter and water despite being left with only the clothes he was wearing.

[Sacto1985]

While we are all happy Yamato Tanooka was safely found alive, the forested area where he was dropped off is an area where the Ussuri brown bear--one of the largest bears in the world--are known to roam. It's a combination of his survival instincts and in a way sheer luck that he lasted long enough for the JSDF to find him safe and sound.

[inobu]

Society/social media is failing to see the dynamics. There is a foundation in which people's personality, values and morals are built on. It varies based on many factors but parenting is pivotal. This child is exceptional in that he was able to survive alone but that too reflects on his parents as well. There is more to this event that meets the eye. The question is will society/social media identify the true issue at hand.

 

I think demographics plays a part for example. Each one of us lives in a community which has its "area of order" verses "area of chaos" (good side of town verses bad). In the area of order the children can be placed in "time out" which is capitol punishment in their eyes. Placing a child in "time out" where chaos is common place means nothing to that child. Therefore methods of punishment can and needs to vary. 

 

These parents did take an extreme measure but I think the question should be posed to the parents "Why did you feel this was the appropriate action?".   

 

Remember the kid was throwing stones at cars. (Had the child broken 4 car windows What economical impact would that have been on the family as a whole?) This is an indicator in itself. One would have to reason that this is not the first incident and it may have been an ongoing issue.

 

Understand this child could have chosen to hide which creates an entirely different set of circumstances. That remains to be seen.

 

Our society cultivates children with different levels of mindset and we need to be cognoscente to it. Children are killing each other and their parents in some cases so who is to say what child will and which will not.

 

It will be interesting to see what happens. 

 

Inobu

 

"Time Out"

 

To some children it is a form of punishment for bad behavior.

To others it is a method to stop play for an unspecified time period.

Edited June 4, 2016 by inobu

[cteno4]

I think this is one of those cases where the interaction starts to swing more and more wildly and then you end up with a very bad result as in this case, or one that could have been tragic. Action reaction cycle escalates so easily with humans. I think ochanomizu stared it well that it takes stepping out of that cycle to find the place to hold the line to allow things to get into a place where things can get better rather than into wildness.

 

Regardless of morals, culture, etc that is just something in human interactions that is universal and something to always be aware of to prevent them in going into wild oscillations that can end up in disaster.

 

It's also hard as we judge the whole situation on a very small bit of media filtered data. As you wisely point out inobu, social media then whips that up into a rare froth!

 

It is interesting he may have been hiding as this is something that a friend who does search and rescue once told me that children can get freaked out and at time won't respond to searchers calling their names and will even hide for fear they are in trouble or e searchers are bad strangers. The stress of the situation can make them do strange behaviors and thus makes this sort of s and r really tough.

 

The good news is even though it was an interaction that swung out of bounds the result was not tragic in the end and hopefully all involved will move forward positively.

 

Jeff

[bill937ca]

Today's latest, psychological abuse suspected.

[inobu]

Today's latest, psychological abuse suspected.

This is an good example of the issues at hand (social media impact)

 

This is the headline. 

Hokkaido police say abuse suspected in missing boy case

But the text states that

 

Officers at Hakodate Chuo Police Station submitted written notification about possible abuse to the Hakodate child consultation center on June 3.

 

This could be the basic protocol in that the police needs to report written notification of all child incidents. This does not mean that the parents 

had prior abusive against the child although the headline can be misconstrued.

 

A better Headline would have been.

 

Hakodate Chuo Police to pass the case to the Hakodate Child Consultation Center for investigation. 

 

This is more in line with the event.

 

Here is the issues. These news outlets are paid based on the number of clicks. Generate more clicks, Generate more revenue. For this reason news can be embellished for the number more so than relaying the facts. 

 

Inobu

 

I think I should surmise my point.

 

A lot of people are getting thrown under the bus based on Social Media and a lot of people are getting away based on Social Media.

Edited June 5, 2016 by inobu

[Ochanomizu]

Hello,

 

It is interesting that my original post has cultivated sensible debate and revealed at least two like-minded people to me.  This is a complicated thought, but I believe the most difficult thing about being a parent is acknowledging that being a good parent is the most difficult thing in the world to do, and therefore requires constant thought, debate, planning, testing, and replanning, observation and refining.  So sorry, I do not know how to shorten.  When I became a father I had to give up hobbies, modify behaviours, choose my words carefully, and change habits in order to be a good role model.  I had to become the man I thought my son needed to look up to.  From what I see, many parents fail to recognise the need to do this.  Perhaps this ties in with what Mr inobu says about demographics.

 

No one teaches us to be good parents.  It is something we must learn for ourselves, but no one tells us that either.  The most dangerous thing about parenting is that no one tells us.  None of us studied "Parenting" as a subject in high school, but it should be compulsory!   I believe the "good parents" have simply worked that out for themselves and take it upon themselves to learn.

 

Formal education and small, independent family units are recent innovations in human history.  In every culture we need only go back a century, or two, to a time when families were large with 6-10 children, and communal with aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents living nearby, or even together.  A 10 year old boy in those days could not help but see how his mother dealt with the crying baby and the cranky two year old.  This would have been subliminally encoded as he raced through childhood and adolescence, and when he grew up, married, and became a father himself he already knew how to do most of the care for the baby his new wife promptly gave birth to, without the need of parenting books, videos, and antenatal classes.  If he didn't, he had his older siblings who were already parents, or other elders in the community to solicit for counsel and advice, as he had seen them do a decade earlier.  Our modern society has left a big void in our culture and learning.  I could expand on this but I hope you get the idea.  

 

Today, parents are obsessed with social media, selfies, money, new cars, international travel, gourmet food, reality TV and everything else.  Many choose put young children in day care so they can continue working for a net gain of perhaps ¥10,000 or ¥15,000 per week.  To me, a far better outcome is to have wife at home, cancel cable TV, eat out once per month instead of 3-4 times per week.  The "Time Out" punishment that Mr inobu refers to fits very conveniently into the hectic life of social media, selfies and reality TV.  That's why it was invented, but what does it teach the child?

 

As to the specific case, I do not wish to blame the parents or the child for each has a measure of fault.  The situation was a typical disobedient child, throwing stones.  I think most little boys have been guilty of that.  I was!  The family was obviously out for the day.  His parents probably gave him the usual warnings.  He ignored them.  They probably threatened to leave a number of times.  He called their bluff.  It brewed and escalated into those wild oscillations that Mr Jeff referred to.  If the boy had waited by the road his parents would have returned, picked him up, disciplined him at home, and we wouldn't be having this conversation.

 

There is no need for police charges.  There is no need for media hype.  There is no need for us to chastise parent or child.  There's no need for counselling or therapy.  It was just one of those days.  Every parent has them.  Every child has them, for that matter.

 

I agree with Mr inobu's observations about the headline and media too.  An even better headline would have been "Help on the way to Yamada family" ... but it wouldn't sell papers and that's about all I have to say about News media.

 

How I'm doing it:

 

Personally, I am Christian.  We attend Church and Sunday school, most Sundays but not all.  Faith aside, the Church community helps to fill the void left by our modern society: social media, selfies and reality TV.  I see how other parents do it.  My son sees it too and accepts it as normal.  We have a baby girl also, born just last month.  I see my wife, who is not Christian, talking to other mothers and getting advice.

 

I do not mean to say we should all be Christian, or even religious, but I think it is wise to recognise what our modern society has lost and make a reasonable attempt to compensate for that.  I think if I was not Christian, I would still seek out a similar social environment, perhaps in the form of a sporting or musical club.

 

My son is almost three.  Of course he has his moments.  It is not easy to get through to a two year old.  We avoid punishment and prefer discipline.  To me the difference is punishment lacks an educational element, and I am not referring to scolding or beratement. It is difficult to explain and I am not professional, but a disciplinery action in our house might involve packing up toys and then doing something positive together.  It is better for it to start in tears than to end in tears.

 

Does it work?  It seems to, but who really knows?  After all, I'm experimenting like the rest of you.  In the meantime, I will continue to "hold the line."

 

Thank you, I am really enjoying this topic.

[ToniBabelony]

I agree on the non-punishment strategy, but not on the believing in the dogmatic super natural, and the conservative blocking of the career potential of the mother.

 

We send our son (now two and a half years old) to daycare because we both work, because we want to work. Not because we both desperately need to. We see our son benefiting greatly from attending daycare as well. His social and communicative skills are beyond those of the kids around us who don't attend daycare, which makes us very happy and our son as well. He is quickly able to express his needs and feelings to us, which makes him aware of his environment and himself relatively easy (if not tired).

 

As for modern society and contemporary technology, I see participating in this only as beneficial, as the children we rase will also have to deal with it one day. Staying away from it will only widen the gap. The key is to balance things out, as with everything.